Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I shouldn't love you,
But I want to..
I just can't turn away.
Do you want me to hide the feelings,
And look the other way?
And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not..
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop.
Thought you should know I tried my best to let go of you,
But I don't want to..
Just gotta say it all before I go..
Just so you know.
This emptiness is killing me,
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long.
Looking back I realise,
It was always there just never spoken.
I'm waiting here..
Been waiting here.
7:11 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
we finally took a proper picture together. lol. :):):)
there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
1:54 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Death sentence for you, Arne Riise, for doing what most strikers would have been quite proud of, just that you did it at the wrong end of the field you asshole. And you too, you phunked with my heart. don't get me wrong, you're fine as hell, it's just me.. i can't let go.
6:37 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Monday, April 21, 2008
wtf. did i just popped my rotators again or what?
Shit happens when you let your heart win. chances are, you end up becoming one of the ex-bf anecdotes. here we go again, all the way from the start.
1:00 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
felicity . time . someday . video . tergiversation . countenance . imploration . recrudescence . altercation . estrangement . panglossian . forlorn . winsome . insanity . reminiscence . maybe . palliation . facade .
I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell. very much stuck in a moment, and I can't get out of it.
This subterfuge, it was never gonna be the iron curtain, impervious and infallible. How long more can the fort hold out, I wonder.
I act like I don't care, but I do.
7:05 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
so he's back. good for you. whatever makes you happy. even if it breaks my heart.
6:26 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Tuas to Kembangan in record time of 16 minute! lol. I'm a freaking workaholic these days. Can't seem to stop working. And I actually kinda enjoy it. Beats staying home and mind-fucking myself. Besides, I gotta justify my monthly 1.2K "intern" pay. The Dell Project's nearing culmination. Upon completion, I'll resign. :) i miss you Chanel, i really do.
1:27 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
'sbeen eleven days, umpteen hours, imma be burnin' till you return..
i'm twisted 'cos one side of me's telling me that i need to move on,
on the other side i wanna break down and cry..
so many days, so many hours
i'm still burnin' till you return. even though i seem like i've moved on, i haven't. i'll be here..i'll be here waiting..i'll be here waiting for you. so if you come here, you'll find me.. i promise.
12:50 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Friday, April 11, 2008
This is my new phone and it sucks. It's the size of a credit card and it's light as hell. It's also one helluva looker. But winsome as it may be, it's so freakin not user-friendly. While I used to take 10 seconds to type a roughly 15 word sms without dictionary, 1 now take more than 1 freakin minute for the same sms! Yes, 1 whole minute + all the reciprocal frustration that comes with typing it. And it's all because the phone is a touch-screen phone and it's almost impossible to not press the wrong icons. It's much harder to use than an I-phone 'cos the screen is so much smaller, and my thumbs aren't exactly very small. Now 3 days into using my new phone, I'm already contemplating trading it in for an N82. So, don't buy the Samsung Giorgio Armani phone, unless you enjoy the little cortisol spike, then gimme a ring, I'll sell you mine.
And the days are cold without you.
1:42 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My student just pissed the crap out of me and for the first time in my life, I actually raised my voice at a student, which culminated in the inadvertent let fly of a certain profanity that spells F smth smth smth. I mean, the kid's not stupid..he just doesn't do enough, and it pisses me off when I explain the same thing over and over again for 2 weeks. So there's no progress, only stagnation, retardation even I suspect. WHAT'S SO FUCKING DIFFICULT ABOUT Y=MX+C? why the fuck does he have to ask me what c is each and every single time i ask him to plot a linear graph? And I assure you I made him plot at least 40 graphs in the past 2 lessons. Then came the stunner at the end of the lesson. When I thought he was finally for the love of god getting better at it, he suddenly contracted amnesia again! WAH! WTF! I almost let loose a string of hex sign and turtle sign and would have rewarded him with 1x Choke Slam if not for my botched wrist dammit! None of my students have ever gotten anything less than an A hitherto and he's damn fuckin bent on blemishing my resume. Never does his homework, never does anything once lesson ends, never listens when I talk and nods his head even when world war II is takin place inside his head. It's students like these that make me lose my interest in teaching. And his feet are so big, they're annoying. Bah. Needa chill. Get well soon..I love you.
10:36 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
It's surreal how I only just got to know this girl whom I really fancied many years ago but back then she was my friend's girlfriend, and so back then, I only knew who she was and nothing more.
Fate's a funny thing. It comes knocking when you least expect it to, and at any point of time in life. So I guess this justifies the good ol' adage of if it was meant to be yours, it will be.
I've been engaging in far too many of these frivolous indulgences of late..all in a bid to keep myself busy so as to escape the cold hard reality that you're gone. Gotta find some new things to do, seriously. but I don't want anyone else but you Chanel.
5:11 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
So the MRI revealed that my triangular fibrocartilage complex ligament is torn..which the doctor attempted to remedy by giving me a cortisone shot in the affected the area, which I kinda think made it worse rather than better? He said that if the pain doesn't subside after 2 weeks, I'll have to undergo an arthroscopy surgery. He also said that the injury will stay with me for life. wtf, as if I haven't had enough injuries already to live with. And for my ankle, he gave me a cortisone shot as well, that feels fine for now, but I'll have to test it out on the field first though.
Time for my daily dose of Glucosamine. wish you were here..
2:07 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
I realised there are 3 situations in which I can experience extreme rage that teeters on the precipice of insanity.
The 1st would be on the soccer field. I remember there was once when I was a kid, circa 11 yrs old, there was this Argentinian dude who irritated me during the entire course of a match. Then in one moment of sheer berserkness, I attempted a shin splitting tackle with 2 raised legs on him, never intending to get the ball. And it pulled off, leaving him writhing in pain. I was sent off as a result I think. Yesterday, some malay guy kept doing sneaky kicks on me from behind and kept using his hands on me and I swear I was already contemplating which angle I should lunge in from such that his ankles will break in one tackle. Had the halftime whistle not been blown, which gave me time to cool down, I would probably would have gone ahead according to my mental blueprint.
The 2nd would be on the road. man, I'm a completely different person on the whenn I'm driving. Nuff' said.
Last would be in a club when I'm in a bad mood and people get a lil pushy. Like last night when some short malay guy literally barged his way through my female friends, a sudden unbridled rage overwhelmed me and I freaking yanked his arm and pulled him back and stared a hole through him. He kept "what-ing" me, which left me wondering, are you seriously that fuckin stupid so much so that u don't know why I yanked you back for? Good thing I wasn't on alchohol. There was another time when I threw an elbow to some buffed guy who was gonna kill me if Sophie didn't apologize for me.
and on a separate issue, i'm seriously going insane. why must there be a smorgasbord of ill-fortune happening to me at one go? Injury, cashflow problems which I can't tell my parents about and as a result I have to work at somewhere that I'm not very keen to work at, kinda losing a few friends along the way, you walking out on me, and now.... dad walking out? wtf? And it has to be me trying to talk to everyone again like the last time round has it. I've got so many other problems on hand already, I'm jaded. I still remember the day we were at the back of my car opposite AMK hub, I said I was really tired of everything and asked if you'd be there through it all..
you said 'yes'.
5:11 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
although we've come to the end of the road..
still i can't let go.
I know you disallowed to be like that and prohibited me from thinking about her anymore, but she's like an addiction that I need some time to quit. Sorry girl.
4:15 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Damn it. Post-arthogram hurts like fuck. Argh.
3:36 AM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
in a truly WTF moment, I saw him at Zouk on the same day she finally told me who the guy that replaced me is. i'm adamant that he recognised me too. imagine my mood when i got home, no wonder Mr. Condescending took over the keyboard at circa 4.55am. lol. ma bad.
mama asked yesterday "where's ******?", I pointed to my head and said "in here", and I pointed to my heart and said "and in here". She laughed, but continued to ask why she hasn't came over to our place in awhile. at that juncture, I was stymied. I didn't know how to answer her question, but I sure as hell felt like breaking down and cry.
went for the NUS medical checkup today. WTF. I can't believe I'm going to NUS. I so fuckin badly wanted to go to London, but since I already gave that chance up to stay here for her, then it's my own fucking fault and ergo should not fucking complain. oh wtf, maybe I should forget about studying and go do business. I've been mulling this over for some time, but it's something that my parents would definitely not consent to. nvm then, I'll just go be a lawyer then and sue every motherfucker who pisses the crap out of me.
on a separate issue, will be clearing about $750 today, another $1.25K to go.
and yet another separate issue, MRI tomorrow, operation soon after.
omfg my life is just perfect.
aye, I saw Fiona Xie at Zouk last night. was like 50cm away from her when I realised, omfg that's Fiona Xie. if only I had a lil alcohol in me cos lil devil only comes out of his lil hole when he reeks of liquor.. wahahaha.
oh I love that song by Flo-Rida and T-Pain. song's like so Fiona Xie, they should title it Fiona Xie.
fiona's got them apple bottom jeans..
boobs..i mean, boots with the fur..
the whole club was looking at her..
she hits the flo'..
next thing you know..
fiona got low low low low low low low low.
holy shit. that's so fly baby.
2:15 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Wow, and I thought no one could possibly be worse than her.
I guess it's deja vu, you beautiful liar.
It's my fault when you're blind..
So it's better that I see it through your eyes.
All these thoughts locked inside..
And now you are the first to know.
A weight is lifted on this evening..
I give the final blow.
When darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.
Are you happy now?
5:15 PM - You left Gucci for Giordano, darling.
we finally took a proper picture together. lol. :):):) 
This is my new phone and it sucks. It's the size of a credit card and it's light as hell. It's also one helluva looker. But winsome as it may be, it's so freakin not user-friendly. While I used to take 10 seconds to type a roughly 15 word sms without dictionary, 1 now take more than 1 freakin minute for the same sms! Yes, 1 whole minute + all the reciprocal frustration that comes with typing it. And it's all because the phone is a touch-screen phone and it's almost impossible to not press the wrong icons. It's much harder to use than an I-phone 'cos the screen is so much smaller, and my thumbs aren't exactly very small. Now 3 days into using my new phone, I'm already contemplating trading it in for an N82. So, don't buy the Samsung Giorgio Armani phone, unless you enjoy the little cortisol spike, then gimme a ring, I'll sell you mine.